What is rage cleaning in the first place?
Let’s start with the basics by answering the question above. According to the Urban Dictionary, it is the act of performing domestic chores whilst in a furious rage.
We can only be guessing what your reason to be angry at the world is but there’s a simple solution to literally wipe away all of your worries. It's free and available to one and all. It transcends gender, age and marital status. It equally affects married, divorced and single people. It even happens in the movies! This universal anger cure is called rage cleaning.
The moral of the story is that next time when you’re furious and ready to go on a killing spree, a pair of yellow rubber gloves might be the thing you actually need.
We know the feeling when anger and helplessness combined to create a dangerous creature bent on destruction but why let this sudden energy boost go to waste when you can use it in for something productive?
Feeling too furious to sit down? Perfect – now it’s the time to bat the cobwebs away from the cupboard where you keep your cleaning products, so let's put that rage to good use.
Remember the closet? Start by taking absolutely everything out and throwing it down on the floor. If you’ve never done it, you will be really surprised how calming this may feel. Once all of your belongings are out of the drawer, sweep all the surfaces inside. Take a good look at the empty space that is now sparklingly clean and feel your pulse slowing down.
If you’re into yoga or meditation try to imagine that this void represents the future. Now it’s all in your control and you’re the one who will arrange it in a desirable way by putting only happiness and light back in there.
If not, just enjoy the process of throwing away all of the unwanted belongings in the nearest garbage can. This one can be pretty relaxing as well. You can sort the impossibly huge pile of stuff into three categories: garbage, donations, and things you actually want to keep.
You will indeed get some bonus points by giving away the things you no longer need since caring for others and showing compassion is proven to make you feel much better about yourself and can boost your self-esteem.
If you’re really feeling it, throw away the wire hangers and if still in destroying mode, set a bonfire in the backyard and burn all of the unwanted belongings, while chanting the names of your enemies. That might be a bit of an overkill, but different people would have different levels of anger built up inside of them, so this last step is only reserved for the ones that are really fuming.
The truth is that most of us have enough rage to clean the Buckingham Palace on our own, somehow gaining the strength of the Hulk in the process. During the rage clean, you have powers equal to the brawn of 10 men who have trained for the American Ninja Warrior – All Star Edition.
You know how the dust always tends to stick under the fridge right? Well, while rage cleaning your home, if you’ve somehow managed to lift it all alone without any help and wipe beneath it – don’t worry, you're not alone and that kind of unbelievable stuff tend to happen more than once.
If this is not enough, arm yourself with bleach and baking soda and deep scrub every surface until it looks like brand new and you can see your reflection in the kitchen sink.
Throw away all the leftovers stuck in your freezer and fridge, and microwave a large bowl of water with half a lemon in it for three minutes to properly clean it inside.
Tennis balls in the dryer are really loud, so you know what to do if you need to scream into the void until you pass out.
Get rid off the spot that has been stuck in your carpet for the last 10 years. This time you will succeed in leaving the flooring spotless because you are going to scrub it within an inch of its life until your shoulder burns.
If there are some belongings which don’t bring you joy and you find useless or full of bad memories, don’t hesitate to smash them to the ground. You’re about to swipe and vacuum everything either way, so enjoy it while your urge for destruction is satisfied and can finally rest.
Don’t try to fight the feeling. No need to hold back when you are furiously cleaning, otherwise your mind will literally explode with anger. Just go with it and let it all out. Eventually, you will stop but not before you can’t stand up straight, have broken all your fingernails, and have to reach for your spouse’s (or roommate's) favourite T-shirt because you’ve used every rag, sponge, and towel in your home. Basically, you will clean until your home begs for mercy.
It may cost you a hell of a screaming, crying and cursing but you feel much better now, don’t you? After all, cleaning can give you an Adrenaline and mood boost And hey! Look at your you home – it is spotlessly bright, isn’t it?
What to do if you find yourself in the way of a rage-cleaner?
As you already know, your life can indeed be in danger, so try to retreat to a safe distance as soon but as calmly as possible. If your family or flatmates have already witnessed the mist of rage clean, it will surely make everyone unfortunate enough to be at home just to hide in the corners, afraid to breathe because they know what’s coming.
As the name suggests, most of them are aggressive and unpredictable. They may even react violently when a person comes near them, especially if this is the one to be blamed for the chaos around or for the anger in the first place.
Remember the sock on the floor, the unwashed dishes or even worse – the clogged sink? If you were behind any of this - run for your life and don’t come back until the storm has fully passed.
If it’s urgent (like in a sense of life or death urgent) follow these steps carefully and ideally you will get out of the room in one piece.
Start by carefully observing from a distance
The look in the eyes of the rage-cleaner is likely to hurt you more than the ones of Cyclops. Step back and don’t approach until you hear a sound of relief, like a loud exhale or probably mutter, which sounds disappointed but not angry - one resembling a tiger’s growl.
If the cleaner is listening to loud music, turn it down slightly, very slightly in order to get some attention. In case he or she is wearing headphones never pull them out and try to wave or something else not sound related.
When the rage-cleaner finally sees you
Start with apologize for everything, your very existence included. While doing so, start to mimic the behaviour you’ve been carefully watching by doing a random chore.
Be extra polite and offer a snack or a drink but don’t overdo it because it may backfire. Remember to use the word please and don’t smile too much.
After all, the person in front of you is mad at the whole world and some carefree punk is not the perfect company at the moment.
Avoid direct eye contact
Focus on the broom in their hand, the floor they’re wiping or on the cloth, they’re wiping with.
When the rage-cleaner seems relaxed enough,
you may finally respectfully ask your question or carefully do what you’ve got to do, whatever the reason for bothering the mad with anger creature in the kitchen was.
If by any means you need to approach a rage-cleaner, be aware of the following tips.
How about you? Have you ever Rage Cleaned? Share your stories in the comment section below - we will be happy to hear from you. Plus you’ll be surprised that being a rage-cleaner is totally a thing.
Never rely on a rage cleaning to maintain your home spotless, though. Our professional cleaning services are available in the whole of London, so don’t hesitate to give us a call, if perfection is what you seek. We are among the best in the country and our reviews are here to prove it.
Get your quote and never forget that managing a household doesn't actually mean doing it all. You will be surprised what a huge difference in your quality of life a proper thorough cleaning can make.
Before you go, let us share our top three Tweets, concerning rage cleaning this month: